Being in a covert narcissistic relationship for 14 years, “I’m fine” become my most used phrase.
No one understood what happens behind closed doors, and to be quite frank, I didn’t either. I became the world’s best actress, convincing everyone around me and even myself that everything was" great."
"Just keep surviving. "
My head was on a constant swivel, and walking on eggshells was my daily cardio.
I was trauma bonded and constantly seeking the breadcrumbs of affirmations that were being dropped just frequently enough to keep me around.
I became obsessed with keeping my family together and painfully painted on a smile not to raise awareness of what was happening behind closed doors.
I realized in doing so, I was hurting myself physically, mentally, and spiritually as I was enabling a toxic ideology to be formed by my children of what “family” looks like.
The toxic cycle was my new normal. My health was declining and I knew it had to stop, for my sake and my children’s health.
I sought out therapy, and what started as a journey to “fix my crazy” quickly transpired into my awakening of what I was honestly dealing with.
I am not for everyone, but I cannot stress enough that it is vital to work with someone who understands the complexity of narcissist abuse and has walked the healing journey.